Friday, May 27, 2005

Peça Gótica-Religiosa II

No seguimento de telefonemas e mails acusando Isento de ter publicado alguns ‘Posts’ demasiado ‘mainstream’, Eis que Isento apresenta a sequela de Magister Isentissimus com a finalidade de agradar aos leitores mais isentos:

(Teatro) Curta Peça de Carácter Gótico-Religioso II

Personagens:

1 – Isento: Le Pouvre...



2 – A Sevilhana: Não aparece mas deixa rasto.



3 – Magister Isentissimus: No Comments.



CORO - (coro em canto gregoriano) Entre a névoa bafejada pela noite, num ritmo pesado e mudo, eis que surge a sombra já quase olvidada do vulto mais temido. Quem resistirá ao abismo dos seus olhos sedentos de justiça? Quem desafiará a sua moral? Quem questionará a sua excelsa isenção?...
Assim, perguntareis antes de mais: Quem será esse vulto tão aterrador? Ora, quem havia de ser? Pensaveis que Isento teria aprendido tudo sozinho?... pois é, todos temos um Mestre e Isento não foge à regra.
Quereis conhecê-lo?

Corifeu – (anunciando o Mestre de Isento)… Senhoras e Senhores... Ecce: Magister Isentissimus!...


Magister Isentissimus – Knock, Knock, Knock.

(Isento reconhecendo o toque do seu Mestre, treme de temor, e põe-se a andar pela casa escondendo as provas do crime e atirando, à pressa, para dentro do seu quarto – lenços, pulseiras, tampax’s, algemas, botins foot-fetish, e vários outros indecorosos artigos deixados pela sua desleixada amante: A Sevilhana…shhhhhh)

Magister Isentissimus – (Impaciente, decide bater à porta com mais vêemencia. Em latim, portanto) Knockus… Knockum… Knockae !!!!

Isento – (Abre a porta, a suar. Sorriso amarelo e nervoso) Magister…

Magister – (Com um grande embrulho, do tamanho de Isento) Trouxe-te um presente.

Isento – (Ligeiramente aliviado) aahh… Magistos Agathón Estin (Trad: O Mestre é bom)

Magister – (Concentrando poderes e repentinamente perdendo as estribeiras) … mmmmmmmm…. Como ousas falar-me em Grego???!!! Língua excelsa e isentíssima por excelência que mantém viva a Ortodoxia Oriental???!!!... mmmmm… Seu Verme Imundo!!!

Isento – Perdoai-me, Magnífico Mestre… E que nobre motivo abençoa esta vossa encantadora embaixada?

Magister – Vim reclamar. O Teu miserável Blog está cada vez mais deplorável… Foi esta a educação que te dei?... agora só pensas em futebol e perdes-te em ridículos ‘Posts’ de carácter abominavelmente comercialoide… Como te atreves a descuidar da tua exclusiva missão – denunciar o deboche generalizado a que chegou este mundo de indignos suínos…

Isento – Mas… esta semana… todos escreveram sobre futeb…

Magister – Cala-te imediatamente e contempla o sublime ‘souvenir’ que te trouxe de um templo Francês…

Isento – (Isento abre o presente e a espinha de Isento gela. Isento sublima o medo disfarçando contentamento) … ahhh… Uma Dama De Ferro!... *1 (Isento engole a seco)… Obrigado, Mestre, é linda…

Magister – Sempre velando por ti, meu pupilo desnaturado… ahhh… Se não fosse eu quem mais pensaria na mutilação do teu desprezível corpo?

Isento – Pois… de facto… mas o problema é que estou com falta de espaço cá em casa… não sei, a sala está com coisas… a cozinha tamb…

Magister – Pô-la-ás no quarto… Vamos… O Magister ajuda-te (Magister encaminha-se para o quarto, transportando a Dama de Ferro. Isento está em pânico)

Isento – Mas… o quarto… o quarto…

Magister – (Magister abre a porta do quarto e vê tudo o que Isento tinha escondido)… Um Lenço?... Tampax?... Algemas? Botins Foot-Fetish?... É ela outra vez? Aquela desvergonhada SEVILHANA? (Magister perde o control)… mmmmmmmm… MAS QU’A POUCA VERGONHA VEM A SER ESTA?!!!

Isento – Não, Mestre… por favor… ela telefonou-me e… é o amor… Ohhhh, Mestre, clemência… perdoai-nos, não se passou nada. Palavra de Isento!… aliás, como podeis reparar pelo Tampax… ela está em tempo de purificação…

Magister – (Magister quase mostra compreensão) OK, não fizeste... (Isento abana negativamente a cabeça)… mas pensaste (Isento abana afirmativamente a cabeça. Magister perde as estribeiras)… mmmmmmmmm… Imediatamente para a Dama de Ferro, seu vadio!... Não passas do mais obsceno quadrúpede da mais vil classe de suídeos!!! … Os teus insecráveis desvios bradam pela mais implacável das penitências… Torturar-te-ei com os mais isentos instrumentos inquisitórios e então, só então… no auge do teu tortuoso deleite… aprenderás definitivamente as sagradas leis da Isenção!... (Magister pára e pensa em todo o discurso que acabou de pronunciar. Magister vê que o seu próprio discurso é isento)… muito bem.

E é ao som de gemidos entre a dor e o prazer que Isento se coloca na Dama de Ferro, enquanto Magister o Acoita com carinhosas vergastadas… Isto sim, é um Mestre… Quem quiser relaxe, que se faça Católico…

Cai o Pano

Dama de Ferro: Repare-se nos ternos espetos metálicos que têm como louvável funçao a de mutilar a indigna carne do pecador. Enfim... Já nao há disto...



*1 Dama de Ferro – Instrumento generosamente usado pela Santa Inquisição para a Conversão dos Pecadores. (quando a Igreja Católica era Isenta e não havia cá bandalheiras)

80 Comments:

Blogger CDT said...

E o que estava escondido por detrás do cimbório naquela noite em que o Mestre apareceu e isentou o Isento das suas obrigações?
Não contas pois não?
Isso não contas tu!
Mas eu estava lá... e hei-de expor a verdade... ó se hei-de!
E vai ser a catástrofe... tcharan...tchan than tchantchan... pum!

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Blogger O ISENTO said...

Atrás do Cimbório?... entao... quem mais do que Óscar Cardoso (venerável ex-Pide), escondendo-se ele próprio da fúria de Magister!

Um abraço alternado com chicotes, O Isento deleitou-se com o teu 'Blog de Alterne'.

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Dama de Ferro....

Ah !!!

Iron Maiden

Entendi-te .

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